This is terrible but today when I was playing volleyball outside with some friends one of their children (18 months) was sort of ambling around on his stumpy little toddler legs and so we were all trying to be careful and like not spike the ball onto the baby but then he wandered over to his father, who picked him up bc dad reflexes, and then the ball got passed over to the dad and he sort of had a no thoughts moment and instinctively used his child to smack the volleyball over to the next person. Like he just swung the kid and used his legs like a baseball bat. I’m never going to forget his face of premature regret mid baby-manuever right when he realized what he was doing AND the instant he realized his wife saw it happen. Anyway the baby was fine he didn’t make contact with the ball all that hard and he was just mad his dad wouldn’t use him as a club again but I had to sit down because I laughed so hard I cried.

You know, it occurs to me that the known internet phenomenon of Reddit “am I the asshole?” posts having completely misleading headers is actually a really great example of a far less known but far more common practice of extreme journalistic spin in cases where there are large monetary incentives to diminish the story in question.
Like, if you see a Reddit post titled “Am I the asshole for buying my wife a new dress?”, the post is pretty much always something totally deranged like: “I (48) really dislike the way my wife (20) dresses, because I think it’s too revealing and makes her look slutty, which was fine when we started dating five years ago, but it makes me feel like she’s going to cheat on me now that we’re married. I’ve politely asked her to get new clothes multiple times, and every time she refused because she said she liked her clothes, and didn’t want to waste money buying new ones. Yesterday I couldn’t take it anymore so I threw out a bunch of her old dresses and bought her a new one that was more modest looking. She started crying because one of the dresses I threw out had been left to her by her mom who died when she was a teen, but I couldn’t have known that it had sentimental value. She said that I should have asked, but obviously if I asked she’d have just told me not to throw out any of her clothes, including the ones that weren’t sentimental. Also, the more modest dress I bought was pretty expensive, and she never thanked me for it. Am I the asshole here, or is she being unreasonable?”
Similarly, whenever you see a headline like “Woman Wins Millions From McDonald’s Because Her Hot Coffee Was Too Hot”, if you dig a bit, you’ll almost always quickly find out that what actually happened was: A 79-year-old ordered coffee which, unbeknownst to her, was being served extremely dangerously hot, because McDonald’s was trying to have coffee that stayed warm over a long commute without spending any extra money on cups with better insulation. The coffee spilled on the old woman’s lap, giving her severe third degree burns over a huge portion of her body, including her genitals. She got to a hospital and they managed to save her life with skin grafting, but she became disabled from the accident, and her genitals and thighs were permanently disfigured. She tried to settle with McDonald’s for her medical costs, and McDonald’s refused to cover any portion of her medical expenses at all, and so she sued. At trial, the jury discovered that this same exact thing had happened seven hundred times before, and McDonald’s had still decided not to change their policy because paying out individual suits was cheaper than moderately reducing their coffee profits. As a result, the jury awarded punitive damages designed to penalize McDonald’s two days worth of their coffee profits, in addition to the woman’s medical costs.
I think it’s largely the same phenomenon, but I know a lot of people who are familiar with the first case, but don’t know to look for the second. If you see some totally outrageous “how could a person ever sue over this stupid thing?” case, you should immediately be incredibly suspicious that that’s all that actually happened, because a lot of the time, it absolutely isn’t. The people who have the most incentive to make their opponent look not only wrong, but completely crazy for having any sort of grievance at all, are often the actually unreasonable ones.
Anyway this is all to say that if I see ANY of y’all automatically siding with McDonald’s over the recent case where 4-year-old girl was severely burned by their chicken nuggets because “hurr durr dumb kid didn’t know that chicken nuggets were hot, people sue over anything lol”, I will grab that McBoot you’re licking and shove it all the way up your McFuckingAss.
lawyer fun fact! sometimes you need to sue someone before your insurance will pay for your medical bills (because your insurance would rather the other person pay for your medical bills so they don’t have to)! sometimes you need to sue because what you’d get from insurance isn’t enough to pay for all of your medical bills! sometimes you want to change a specific thing, like a dangerous practice or defective part, and that’s not going to happen if you just ask nicely!
most truly ridiculous lawsuits get screened before they’re even filed (because someone goes to an attorney and that attorney is like “yeah you don’t have a case here”) or very shortly after they’re filed (because judges can toss out cases that have zero merit). 99% of the time, if it sounds ridiculous but somehow it went all the way to someone suing and winning in a jury trial, it probably wasn’t actually as absurd as it sounds.
Today, we get to reblog this
He’s so out of line for this……
tumblr mutuals to beat the shit out of and be covered in blood with
You’re on tumblr?!?!?!?!?!?!?! :O
Yeah. Too bad you’re not Mothman.
@mothman-etd, here’s your chance.
i hope fagginess and transness and dykness all take over and kill everyone
So what? Have I become some kinda Death, Destroyer of Worlds?
lord, grant me the courage to not read the comments, the wisdom to not read the comments, and the molotov cocktail just in case i read the comments anyway
at this point I wish advertising in general was just literally illegal. Word of mouth only. Maybe exceptions beneath a certain net value like if you’re a startup or a family run business but if you’re already making a billion dollars then making even one single commercial or banner campaign should be a crime and I mean a crime like the CEO gets investigated on national television and goes to prison forever and everyone agrees they’re a sick fucked up maniac
A Haiku:
📲 💡
🖼️ 🆔 📖 🗣️
🖥️ 📜
[Image Description: Three lines of Emoji, that can be read as:
Icon Idea
Image ID Read Aloud
Online Poetry
End Image Description]Reminds me of an old internet poem:
< > ! * ’ ’ #
^ “ ` $ $ -
! * = @ $ _
% * < > ~ # 4
& [ ] . . /
| { , , SYSTEM HALTED
The poem can only be appreciated by reading it aloud, as such:
Waka waka bang splat tick tick hash,
Caret quote back-tick dollar dollar dash,
Bang splat equal at dollar under-score,
Percent splat waka waka tilde number four,
Ampersand bracket bracket dot dot slash,
Vertical-bar curly-bracket comma comma CRASH
OH I GOT ONE AS WELL
Behold, the math limerick:
((12+144+20+3*sqrt[4])/7)+5*11=9²+0
A dozen, a gross, and a score,
plus three times the square root of four,
divided by seven,
plus five times eleven
is nine squared and not a bit more
Where did the whopping huge meteor come down? I assume if there are core samples, we know where it was, and maybe there are remnants of it?
Chicxulub Puerto, Yucatan, Mexico, fucking exactly
also the people of Chicxulub Puerto are fully aware of this, and even created a memorial for all of dinosaurkind on their own dime!
and personally, I think this single heartfelt block of concrete is more fitting than any number of sleek expensive monoliths in the world’s best museums.
at an unremarkable time in this unremarkable place, the world ended, once. it’s good to remember that.
Oh…man…
I’m losing my shit
Anal Cunt was famous for throwing bricks at their audience while they played. Like real ass cinder blocks. The pit would have to be a good 20 feet from the stage bc Seth had a good arm.
jesus christ
The most famous picture of Seth is a portrait of him getting a blowjob from a groupie while tying off with a guitar cord and shooting up and I wish I could still post it on this website but you’ll have to look it up yourself if you wanna see it
It should also be noted that Seth died of a meth overdose, and was replaced by a new singer, whose first song was about making fun of Seth for dying of a meth overdose.
Circle of life baybeee











